Tell me why over time I’ve been consistently compatible with
English majors, social workers, and special ed teachers.
I don’t want to constantly blow someone’s mind with science. It’s exhausting.
But in my head, all there is is science, gears turning, steam running hot.
I’m doing my ironing on a Saturday night.
I’m currently on article 2 of 19.
Luckily I’m not a perfectionist.
The Holiday creates a silence in town. A rare occasion in a town like ours.
For most of my life, I’ve lived in places where the most you heard outside was a mooing cow or a dog bark. In the city, you hear traffic, sirens, high school bands from miles away.
Today is so incredibly quiet. I sat outside, bundled up in my snowpants, watching the snow fall, and listening. What did I hear? Nothing.
What did I miss?
I’ll tell you what you missed.
I am now 5 months past my 21st birthday, and lemme tell ya, I’m not an alcoholic. That sounds silly, but I’m honestly surprised. The same beer has been in my fridge for two weeks.
I got a promotion at work, but unfortunately not a pay raise. I’m still pretty happy about it though. I’m learning huge amounts and am constantly moving forward.
I’ve met an incredible woman who I want to keep happy for ages and ages. I’ve never met such a equal.
It’s been a while, eh? I’ve been busy living, and I haven’t been this happy in a long time.
This last paragraph really moved me. I wouldn’t consider myself transgendered, but I want to live to see the day where it doesn’t matter if your genitalia and physical appearance match.
If I’m wearing a particularly masculine outfit to work, I don’t want to feel the need to throw some pearl earrings in or put extra work into my makeup that day. Just being would be nice, without the questioning of small children (whose parents hush them rather than teaching them) or elderly who are bewildered by someone who doesn’t fit the norm.
My dad called.
A stared at the phone, watching it ring without thought.
Talking to him freaks me out, even though he’s the kindest man I know.
He’s never said so, I can’t help but think that he thinks of me as a bum. No car, shitty retail job, little ambition. He actually doesn’t know shit about me. I work hard at my shitty retail job. I put my heart into helping people be aesthetically pleasing (as vain as that is) and on a good day, it’s incredibly rewarding.
I got the balls to call my dad back.
We don’t have a thing in common, which leads to my father’s steady rhythm of “well uh”s. I ask about his truck. He talks for 45 minutes and realize how relaxing it actually is. There I was, laying on my bedroom floor, listening to him gab, like I did as a kid on his living room floor while he chatted with a buddy.
In my head, my dad looks like a fit 35-year old who climbs telephone poles for fun and probably has toddlers at home.
When I occasionally see him these days (two or three times a year), I’m always taken aback by how he has changed. He could pass as a grandfather. Well, he is a grandfather, of nine to be exact.
His baby is turning 21 soon. I’m sure that scares the hell out of him, considering his past battle with the bottle. What he doesn’t realize is that I’ve been casually drinking for 6 years, and not a thing will change.
I’ve been wreckless, sure, but not lately. At 15, I stole vodka from the store, put it in Jones Soda bottles, and lined them up on my bedroom windowsill. My mother always mentioned how pretty those bottles of water looked in the sunlight. What a fool she was.
I respect my mom quite a lot more now than I used to. I told her about my vodka bottles, and she just laughed, joked about how they would have drank them, had she known. She’s not much of a parent, but she’s a fantastic friend and openly recognizes me as an adult, unlike my father.
I’m always amazed by the fact that there’s so much music in the world, but so little overlap in sounds. So much is possible.